Fighting for Space
Writing It Out Leads to Healthy Perspective
Some days, my mind is crazy-busy. My thoughts must fight for space.
What’s on my mind, you might ask? Okay, here goes: both of my boys are living at home right now. The 14-year-old, who just started his freshman year in high school, is so self-sufficient he is dangerous. If left to his own devices, he would visit school for the required hours, then go to friends’ houses and forget to return home. He actually called me last week to ask if he could spend the night at a female friend’s house. On a Monday. They were finished with homework and planned a three-movie marathon for the evening. “Kissing Booth” my ass! He got a hard No on that request, although I did allow him to stay until 9pm, as long as he came home for a family dinner with me and his brother first. He swears there’s nothing going on between him and his female friend. I think he’s telling the truth- he has a girlfriend in another city. He’s a good boyfriend and an honest kid (for the most part). I think he’s telling the truth about himself, but it’s very likely he is naïve regarding other girls’ feelings toward him. He is good-lookin’, if I do say so myself. 😉
My older son, 25, is at home, like many young adults, due to the global pandemic. He had been enrolled at a 4-year university in a neighboring state. Moving back home was the only real option, given the uncertainty we all faced. It’s been a joy having him here- he cooks, cleans (sometimes) and seriously cracks me up. In fact, the boys together are freaking hilarious! They sing, they dance, they have their own jokes from which I am excluded due to generational difficulties. I ping between laughing hysterically in their presence, feeling like I’m in a foreign country whose customs I can’t understand, or weeping with joy at the beauty of their relationship. Insane, in a good way. My older son is a budding entrepreneur. Like me, he is a jeweler. His techniques, ideas and standards are different from mine, so we spend our studio time together arguing over details so neurotic only another jeweler would know they exist. Our verbal sparring is a delight.
Other things fighting for the top of my brain space include the beginning of a new semester at school, and the fact that I am getting older. For the new semester, I chose a new book for my Introduction to the Fashion Industry course. It’s more “global” than my previous text, in both scope and concept. I think it’s the right approach for my students- the book encompasses all parts of the fashion industry, from design inspiration to sourcing materials to global manufacturing and sustainability issues, onward to contemporary retail. And who the f*ck knows where that is heading? I like my approach, but I’m back at Square One when it comes to preparing lectures, quizzes, writing assignments… Argh! And while I prefer not to dwell in the negative, it is true that teachers really do a lot more work for the small change we are paid. I think I’m making less per hour now than I did when I worked at a cookie shop in high school! Fortunately, this is a passion project. I find great value in focusing on that. But it takes a lot of mental energy to remind myself why I do it.
As for getting older, well… that’s not a terrible thing. As they say, it beats the alternative. Clocking more hours on earth helps put some things in perspective. Small issues fall by the wayside. I’m beginning to grapple with bigger issues like, Am I using my years well to benefit the most people in the healthiest ways? Have I funded my retirement well enough that I won’t be a burden on my kids? (Retirement- what’s that?) And of course: if my skin looks good, can I let my hair go silver? I’d love to be old-lady hot.
Those are some of the things jostling for space in my noggin. I feel better now that I’ve put them on the page. Like almost everything, they’re just a step on the journey.
Wishing you Peace.
